James Wade has shared his experience of living with Bipolar in a booklet released by the charity Bipolar UK, who are celeberating 30 years of providing support for the condition.
Seven-time PDC major title winner Wade, who wore a patch bearing Bipolar UK’s logo during in his first round win at the World Grand Prix on Monday, is one of 30 people to share their inspiring stories in the leaflet produced for National Bipolar Awareness Day.
30-year-old Wade’s entry reads:
The truth is when I tell people about my Bipolar they rarely understand. People are scared of being classed as mentally ill. I have to take a cocktail of tablets just to help me stabilise my mood and they seem to be working.
Unfortunately unless you have bipolar, or have been around someone for years who does, it is hard to know how deal with it. Some days I’m on Cloud Nine, the happiest place I could be, everything seems perfect. Then in the next few hours I can just turn and not want to live or get out of bed, and people can agitate me for no reason.
I take things out on the people closest to me. I’m so lucky to have people round me who care for and look after me, as sometimes I don’t think I would be able to cope. Being a professional darts player with bipolar is very hard as I never know what mood I am in. I can say things in interviews or to people which I don’t even mean sometimes. I just get a rush of anger, then ten minutes later I think ‘Oh no, what have I said?’ I am very fortunate that a lot of people try and understand. Unfortunately other people disregard it and don’t want to understand.
I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 20s. I think if I had help when I was younger, life would be different. When I had my breakdown I was taken to hospital. Since then I have been there twice and now I’m on the right path. You can never say never, but I’m mentally stronger, my moods are more controlled and I am more positive towards life. Bipolar is not something that will just go away. Unfortunately is something that you live with, each day can be different.
I have had breakdowns, I have knocked my house down, I have bought fancy cars, all in search of happiness and a perfect life. You could take me to the moon and I would try to buy it, but that’s part of my disorder. It’s starting to get better and I know that the things that make me truly happy are having a home, my dogs, safeness where no one can criticise me in some way.
I must never forget that bipolar has also given me some special gifts such as being good at darts and working on cars. My attention to detail is so high that everything has to be perfect or not at all. Sometimes this can be very hard work as I can drive myself insane wanting that whole ‘perfect’ life which is unrealistic and unachievable.